I have a child-bearing body
But not a child-bearing mind
My hips will take in what men give me
But won’t push out what they leave behind.
Semen remains, sticky and sore
Dribbling down while he melts through the door
If you love him, swallow
If you like him, spit
But don’t be
like Peggy Lee
And ask – is that it?
A blow job takes nine minutes
A baby takes nine months.
And then: mews and cries and pukes and squawks and hollers
and shits and screams and wails and squalls
in the airplane
next to YOU!
And you’re on your way
to Montego Bay
With a new one, Brad
(Who’s great at pasta
And in bed, not bad)
You’re feeling slightly ill
Did you remember to take the Pill?
You know the one
designed to make you
Not a Mum.
Ladies, ladies do not fret
Life as you know it isn’t over yet
Ladies, ladies, try this ruse
When your biological clock goes off
Do as I do...
Just press ‘snooze’.
